0 In Woman to Woman

Do You Feel Like a Failure, Sweet Mama?

Hello there sweet mama!  How are you doing today?  Has it been one of those days?  Maybe it’s been one of those weeks or months…or years?  I hear you.  I understand.  I’ve been there!  Maybe my situation has been  different from yours, but I understand.  Maybe you find yourself hiding in the closet with a bag of chocolates just to get a few minutes to yourself.  Maybe you’ve shed enough tears lately to fill a lake and you’ve started wearing waterproof mascara.  Where are you on this motherhood journey right now?  

If we were all honest, most of us as mothers have at least had a day like this!  Most of us have had MANY days like this!  Rest assured sweet mama, you are NOT alone!  You may be in a season where you are just focusing on keeping your family fed and clothed!  There is nothing wrong with that!  Except that it involves also washing and drying laundry, washing dishes, and grocery shopping, right?  It’s never just that simple is it?  Maybe you feel like you just never have a moment to just sit and breathe.  Have you been there?  You have all of the kids put to bed and by some miracle, they are ALL asleep.  Then you sit down to have a moment of peace and your husband wants to talk, or plan something, or…something else?  Ha,ha…we’ll keep this “G” rated!  Oh, you love your husband and would do anything for him.  But do you have those days where you just run out of energy and just feel that if one more person needs ANYTHING from you, you will just lose it!?  It’s unfortunate that our spouses are usually the recipients of this end of the day, lack of energy.  But it is reality.  It doesn’t have to be an everyday reality and I will address that in a different post.  Our marriage is so important and needs to be priority, but there are seasons in life when it is just really hard to put is as priority!  This is where both spouses have to work together…but again…I’ll address this in a different post.  Today’s post is to hopefully encourage you.

Please know, right off the bat, that you are NOT a failure!  God chose you to be the mother of your child(ren).  YOU!  Even if you adopted your children, God knew that you would be their mama.  He has enabled you with what you need to be a mom!  I know, some days you don’t feel very enabled.  Believe me…I get it!  Being a mom is kind of like riding a roller coaster isn’t it?  There are days that being a mom is the most wonderful thing in the world!  You just want to kiss those cute, chubby little cheeks all day long!  Then there are the days when no matter what you do, your toddler will be on the floor, throwing a temper tantrum.  I just have to laugh when my little guy throws a full-blown tantrum.  Just a few years ago, I was thinking how glad I was that I didn’t have to deal with tantrums anymore.  Well…my now 10-year-old still throws an occasional tantrum.  But that’s a story for later!  Anyway, back to my being glad I was out of the toddler stage…watching other mothers dealing with this.  “Whew! I’m DONE with that stage!”  Ha!  If only I knew…Now I am once again dealing with terrible two’s!  And potty training.  I really don’t want to potty train again.  But seriously, this is my fourth child.  MY FOURTH CHILD!  WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? The truth is, I just don’t want to do it!  I mean…he won’t go to college in diapers, right? Sigh…What was I talking about?

Here’s the deal.  You are an amazing mom.  I’m sure your kids adore you!  In fact, they probably even tell you how much they adore you, while looking at you with those cute as a button eyes, just as you’re getting upset with them! Why do they do that???? I just can’t handle the cuteness!   But seriously, you don’t have to be this supermom that does everything perfectly and even looks perfect doing it.  Those moms exist…on social media anyway.  I have come to the conclusion that I am just not one of those moms and I’m okay with it.  My brain is so ADHD that I can’t just ever clean one room at a time.  I am all over the place!  I need help!  At the moment, I’m working on a system to help this crazy brain of mine actually accomplish things in the house without getting so distracted.  I’ll share it when I’m done.

Know that you are enough. A friend of mine posted on her FB page today that just seeing the admiration for her in her son’s eyes for something simple she had done, reminded her that she is enough.  YOU ARE ENOUGH! Write that down!  Put it somewhere you can see it every day!  We are going to have rough days.  That is just reality.  Find those things/people who encourage you.  Songs, verses, motivational sayings, podcasts, or whatever it may be!  I find that worship music really encourages me.  It resets my crazy brain.  It reminds me that God is greater than my mistakes, my failures, my bad decisions, my laziness, my everything!  His grace covers it all.  I am enough.  You are enough.  You are the perfect mother for your children.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help.  You will be surprised how many people would love to help out.  Join a MOPS group for support and laughs!  Make a fun playlist to get you through the day.  Get your kids dancing!  Make a priority list of what NEEDS to get done every day.  Cleaning needs to be done, but guess what?  It never goes away!  Taking care of your family’s immediate needs is priority.  Vacuuming may not be priority today.  I’m speaking to myself here too.  I have a hard time with delegating and putting systems into place in my household.  But when I do…everything works better. My husband just shared a term with me the other day.  “Delegate with joy”.  I’ll be honest with you…I have no idea how that is supposed to look.  Lol!  But here I am, sitting on the couch writing this post, and delegating.  Am I joyful about it?  I’m not sure…My 10 year old says “Yes mama” to every single thing I tell him to do…like a robot.  If I hear “Yes mama” one more time…ugh.  Now he’s vacuuming his face…Okay, I’m learning. How about I let you know when I discover what delegating with joy looks like for me.  Wink wink. Right now I’m delegating while trying not to say bad words! LOL!

I think I need some coffee…you?  What encourages you?  Here are some of mine:

1.) Getting out of the house by myself. ANYWHERE!!!! Most of the time I go to a coffee shop, get a cup of coffee, open my laptop and just read!  Usually I’m reading something off of Pinterest or working on my blog.

2.) Going on a date with my hunky hubby.

3.) Going out with friends.

4.) Escaping to my room while my little guy naps. I might listen to music and get some planning done. Planning may not sound like fun, but I have to do it and if I can do it without being needed for something every 5 minutes, then I’ll take it.  It is refreshing to accomplish things, right?

5.) Just getting out of the house and doing something fun with the kids!  They need the escape too!  This is hard to do when it’s 120,000 degrees in the dead of summer in Phoenix, but we have to get creative.  (Later this week, I’ll post some ideas of fun things to do in the summer)

6.) When I am lucky enough to be up before anyone else in the morning, I get a cup of coffee and do my devotions in absolute peace and quiet…ahhhhh….so refreshing.  Coffee always tastes better this way!  Well it also tastes amazing early in the morning when we’re camping, but that’s a whole other post.  🙂  I seem to really appreciate things in the morning.  I look around my house and just appreciate it.  I appreciate my family and my friends.  The birds are singing, my little dog is snuggled up beside me, and I have coffee in my hand.  I get to drink it while it’s still hot.  That all sounds like a fairy tale at the moment, but it does actually happen!

Sometimes it is hard to fit any of these things in.  As mothers we can feel like we’re drowning with no time to ourselves.  If this is where you are now, it is important to speak to your husband.  Work something out where you can escape even if it’s just once a week.  Go out by yourself or with friends.  Ladies, we need TIME to feel normal!  Don’t feel guilty about it.  The need for rest is programmed into our DNA.  Rest looks different during every season.  Sometimes you might need to ask a friend for help.  Friends will help.  Just ask.

I’ll leave you with a few verses to encourage you.  Please feel free to share what helps you get through those tough days.

Psalm 73:26 NKJV My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 37:23-24 NKJV  The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.

Romans 8:28 NKJV And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Philippians 4:13 NKJV I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


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